Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The Truth

It feels AMAZING to be doing this blog. I can't believe that I haven't blogged in such a long time! 

As all of you know, I am always honest with my friends, family, and followers! I have a big thing that I want to talk about. It is not something that should be taken lightly because I know that so many people struggle with this issue just like me. I am a self diagnosed food addict and I possibly have a binge eating disorder also. I also deal with depression which is hereditary in my family. I have been dealing with weight issues since I was in middle school and weight has always been a up and down yo-yo. Until now my weight has always increased instead of decreasing. I lost around 58 pounds naturally and so far I am down about 20 pounds with Herbalife. 

 If you have been wondering why I haven't been posting much about my weight loss, it's because I have been dealing with my food addiction and binge eating. I realized that most of my life I have been afraid of success. Whenever I hit a new record in weight loss, old habits resurface. Then all of the bad mental games start after a binge happened or I didn't eat clean.  It can last from one binge, a couple of days, or up to a week or two.  It's a really bad habit that I am in the process of breaking! I don't want to sabotage myself every time I start having success. 

 Binge eating really sucks. I have been getting better though! Before, whenever a binge would happen, I wouldn't realize the binge was happening until I started feeling sick from being too full. After eating badly for only a meal or whenever it stops, I feel like crap. I feel sluggish, tired, moody, depressed, and just don't feel like doing anything. Then of course I would start beating myself up mentally because of my binge. Now whenever it starts to happen, thoughts start popping up in my head like, "Kirstin, are you really sure you want to do this? What about your goals?" Now, instead of being led by my emotions, I am taking every thought captive. I am taking the time to sit back and think about what is leading me to eat. I am the kind of person that decides to take on everyone's problems as my own to try to "help fix" the situation. Now I am doing my best to focus on me and what I need to accomplish. I am still there for the people that are in my life, but I am not personally trying to take on their problems anymore. The wonderful part is when I get back on my Herbalife plan, I feel AMAZING! My emotions are better, I have energy, and I am ready to take on the world! I am so grateful for Herbalife. This is the most success in my weight loss journey that I have ever had. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I can truly do this. So honestly I am proud of myself for the changes that I am making.  I have chosen to admit I have a problem with food and I am willing to make the change because I can live a healthier and happier life by my own choice. 

My three month anniversary with Herbalife is on the 20th of this month and I am challenging myself to not weigh myself until then. I have been obsessed with the scale and I am choosing not to be anymore! How much I weigh definitely does not, and never will define who I am! I am loved and I am worthy. I know that because of all of the wonderful people I have in my life. I feel so blessed to have an amazing support system. I am currently challenging myself to love myself for who I am. I can honestly say, I have never loved myself more now than I ever have. It feels pretty darn great. Thank you so much for listening to my rambling! Hope this all made sense!

I am currently in training to become a Herbalife Health Coach to help people that have dealt with the same issues. This company has a great support system and now I know I can truly make it. You haven't heard the last of me yet! I am excited for what the future holds and I am ready to take on the world!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

My New Life!

Hello to all of my wonderful family and friends! I can't believe I have been at the Lord's Land for over a month! It feels like I have been here for a long time but at the same time it feels like only a short time. As a group we have all become very close to each other. There are 11 students, 3 guys and 8 girls! There are 6 staff, 2 guys and 4 girls! We all have one on one's so we can process things that we are going through and growing in! My one on one is Kendra! She is amazing and we are definitely like each other! One of the great parts is she is younger than me but I am so glad she is my one on one! She has helped me work through so much of my things that I have been dealing with.

A couple of weeks ago we went on the "New Wine Tasting Tour". We went to The Call in Berkeley which is a 12 hour prayer service. It was crazy and a lot of people were healed which was incredible! Then we went to the Chico base for the Presence gathering. It was an amazing time! One of my fellow students during the feet washing time asked to wash my feet which was totally humbling! And then I washed a couple of peoples feet and my feet was washed again by my wonderful One on One. When we were there I definitely feel deeply in love with Jesus. I felt the closest to Him when we were there! Then we headed off to Bethel for The Open Heavens conference. A lot of people were completely healed. One of my roommates had her leg grow out and because of that her hips were aligned the right way which was amazing to watch! I feel like I was delivered from a lot of my past and problems that I have dealt with!

I am still needing a big amount of money for outreach! I still need about $3,800! If God leads to help me in my missions trip please let me know. If you would like to give a tax deductible donation please e-mail me at bibbys_gurl_56@hotmail.com if you want the address and phone number!

When you send the check on a seperate piece of paper saying that it is for Kirstin Shepherd's outreach and then they can send you a tax deductible receipt! 

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart to all of the wonderful people that have donated and prayed for me! It makes me feel so loved! Please message me and tell me how you are doing! I would love to talk with you! I only get internet on Sunday's just to let you know! Love all of you!

Love always,
Kirstin



This is another picture of Amanda and I  from church today!
 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

I am Scared of Success

As you know I am always honest with you. Well today I am revealing a huge issue that I am trying to deal with. I am scared of success. Why? I couldn't really tell you the main reason why. 

I know it has been a huge barrier for me in my weight loss journey and a lot of areas in my life. I think for my weight loss, its the fact of I don't know what I will look like when I lose the weight I need to lose. I haven't ever really been a regular size my whole life. I was always a little chubbier or just had a stomach at least. For some reason I just have this fear of it because I know everything I have ever dreamed of and wanted is just on the other side of the barrier. I don't know why I am so scared to jump over or bust through that barrier that has been there too long in my life. 

Now I just joined an awesome new company about a week and a half ago. I have been super happy in this new company but I have to be honest, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and stress issues. I just had a little bit of an epiphany. I think I strive for perfection way too much. Thinking that even when I start out that I need to be perfect all the time. Nobody is perfect. Even the most successful person in the world isn't perfect. The only person who is perfect is Jesus. 

I know that Jesus has been giving me so much peace when I have my anxiety problems. I have to admit, I am scared out of my mind right now. Just thinking about all the people I have to talk to and the yearning for wanting to make sales. But I know that Jesus has a perfect plan for me and I just have to trust Him! I know this a brand new thing for me and I have to give it time to work. 

As of today I am going after that success no matter how much anxiety and other issues try to hold me back. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have success. I want to fight for it. I am going to work hard for it! I know it will pay off well in the long run!

I hope all of you have a great day! Strive for greatness!


Love,
Kirstin

Monday, May 19, 2014

Trusting in the Process

As most of you know I have been struggling with my weight pretty much my whole life. I have been trying to lose weight for over a decade and the only result was more weight on my body. Even though I had lost a certain amount at times, it would always come back and bring some friends with it. Recently as of the end of March, I was down about 57 pounds. Then as I said before I allowed myself to eat what I hadn't been eating in the previous 3 months. That created a foothold for the bad eating habits to come back in again. 

Within two weeks, as I have already admitted I gained 20-25 lbs. How it happened, I don't know because I wasn't eating like my old habits. During that time I also went cold turkey off my medicines that I was taking. Two different medicines that you definitely shouldn't go cold turkey off of. 

Well now that I pretty much let another month and a half go by, I am getting back up again and I'm going to continue to fight. The past couple of days has been sort of a roller coaster for me but thanks to my AWESOME Step Mom, she talked some sense into me. She made me realize that I always give up easily on myself in my weight journey. When the going gets tough I just give up. Well not anymore. I need to change. I need to FIGHT!!

Another wake up call for me was when I was going through some boxes of my stuff. I found a notebook that one of my best friends and I had when we were going through a program together. When I read it I realized that in two areas of my life, I haven't changed one bit. The first area, is being single/alone/really wanting a boyfriend. I have always wanted to have a boyfriend ever since I was a young girl. Now I am 24 and still single. I went on a date with someone a couple months ago and unfortunately he was my first kiss. I definitely regret that I let that happen, but there is nothing I can do to change that now. I realized that I have been feeding too much into the media and feeling like I need to have a boyfriend to have my existence validated. 

I was watching Must Love Dogs yesterday and I was amazed at how pretty much the whole movie was all about her having a man in her life! To me it seemed like they were saying you are a nobody unless you have a significant other in your life. I definitely have to disagree. I don't need to have a significant other to feel like I am part of this society! I have in the past and still struggled with feeling like my self worth is in having a boyfriend. Thanks to my awesome Mom, she helped me realize that yesterday. Yes although it would be very nice to have a man in my life, God just doesn't have that in my story right now. So now I am learning to deal with it and move on. 

The second area of my life that hasn't really changed is my weight issues. So from now on I am making a conscious effort to make the right changes and just keep working on it no matter how hard it gets. I have to stop looking for that instant gratification in my body. I'm always trying to see if there is a difference in my body pretty much every day. I am officially going to start trusting in the process. Trust that my current clean eating will pay off next month. I am going to start not looking for results the next day. I am so excited to see what happens! In the past couple of days I have been doing positive affirmations every morning and every night. Many years ago I used to just look in the mirror and say I am Thin. Within a couple of weeks I was subconsciously already ordering healthier foods and I lost 13 pounds! Since I have started the positive affirmations the "voices" in my head have pretty much stopped. I know its mainly because of God though because I have been praying that God would help me in this journey. I want to give myself fully to God instead of just giving him parts of me. 

139 day until I jet off to Australia for YWAM! If you are interested in helping support my journey to YWAM please comment here or e-mail me at bibbys_gurl_56@hotmail.com

I hope all of you have a BLESSED day!

Love,
Kirstin

Monday, May 5, 2014

#overcome

Good morning everyone! I have to give props to my Dad really quick. So I have been really struggling the past month with my eating and just staying on track. Even through all of my battle, he keeps telling me to overcome. Just like Mandisa's song. Before I was defeated and thinking I am just too weak to do this anymore. Well now I fully believe that I am a person who overcomes. This mental battle is over. The victory is mine!

Let me give you an example of why I struggle so much. There is for a lack of better words, voices that are constantly talking in my head all day long about what bad foods I should be eating. It always is amplified when I am doing really good with my eating. Along with the constant voices, is the voice of negative thinking. Thinking your not good enough, why even try, guys aren't going to like you until you are thin, your not pretty like she is, look how disgusting you look, and the list can go on forever. I have something to say about that, NONE OF THAT IS TRUE! That is not who God says I am. That is what the enemy wants me to think. I am no longer going to take it anymore. I am a fighter and yes all fighters fall down sometimes. The real strength is when you stand up again. Well, as of today I have stood back up and I am back in the game! 

Yesterday I had the chance to go to San Francisco with some of my best friends. It was such wonderful trip and it actually helped inspire me to get back on the horse. There seriously were runners EVERYWHERE! We were sitting on the beach by the Golden Gate bridge and I was just in deep thought most of the time. I was thinking, I am so tired of living this way! I want to do what they are doing, being healthy and keeping an active lifestyle! I want to run 5K's, half marathons, marathons, and maybe even a triathlon one day!

Now that I am standing back up, it is time to start working on being positive and keeping the healthy lifestyle! With God I know that I am capable of anything. I only have 153 short days until I leave for Australia! I have a lot of weight to lose and a lot of money to earn/raise! If you are interested in donating money to my YWAM journey please comment or message me! Thank you so much!

God Bless,
Kirstin

Monday, April 28, 2014

YWAM in Newcastle, Australia!

I have huge news!! I am going to Newcastle, Australia for YWAM! If you are wondering what YWAM is, it is Youth With a Mission! I have heard so many great things about YWAM and have had a couple amazing friends go to different bases. I really felt that God was leading me to go Newcastle and so that is where I am going to go!! 

I need to raise a lot of money to go and I need your help! I need to raise a total of $11,000. That will cover the cost of the schooling, outreach, and flights. Every little bit counts! Even if you can only give $5, that would mean so much to me! On top of raising the money, I would love to have your prayer support! Prayers can do many miracles and can help in so many ways! So if you could be praying for me that would be AMAZING! 

Here is the link to help donate towards my YWAM trip :)
http://www.gofundme.com/8penjw

If you have any questions or would like to hear my testimony, I would LOVE to talk to you! E-mail me at livinlife4God56@gmail.com

God Bless!!
Kirstin :)

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Beating the Odds

So here is my wonderful news that I got from the Endocrinologist this morning:

1: I have an enlarged thyroid
2: I have a FAT GENE. He told me that there is no medicine to cure it and no matter how hard I try to lose weight that my body just wants to be fat. He told me that my only option is to have weight loss surgery but that it isn't even for sure that the weight will stay off. 

I have something to say about that... THAT IS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL!! Excuse me sir, but I just lost 57 pounds in pretty much 3 months. Yes when I start eating poorly the weight comes back on my body like it's going out of style, which is very unfortunate. I have to come clean about something. The past couple of weeks I have started eating again because I have a lot of very stressful things going on in my life right now. In the two weeks that I have been eating, somehow I gained 25 pounds. That is NOT NATURAL! I do agree that I have a thyroid problem but I DO NOT agree that I have a fat gene that wants to keep me fat. That is just the enemy's plea to keep me down! Well sorry but this girl is a FIGHTER and I WILL NOT GIVE UP! 

Sorry for the capital letters and they way that I have been talking. I am just so furious.. Why would you seriously tell an obese person that they have a fat gene and that no matter what they do they won't be able to lose weight because their body just wants to be fat.. I am NOT getting a weight loss surgery. I know for a fact that I can do this on my own without a surgery to help me. Yes it might take me longer but it will be well worth it in the long run. 


On a very positive note though I leave for YWAM in 165 days!! I really need your help with financial support but more than that I need your prayers!! Prayers are just as important as the funds to go! I am so excited to be able to go and serve! I can't wait to see all the children and people that we get to help and minister to! I can't believe I am leaving so soon! Time to kick this girls butt into high gear to get stuff done! 



Love Y'all and God Bless!
Love,
Kirstin

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Phase 1: 1st 90 Day Challenge

Wow what a crazy ride it has been in the last 3 months!! It's been so nice not being on Facebook or Instagram, but I have missed all of you so much! I bet all of you are eager to know how much weight I have shed off! Well as of this morning I am 52.5 pounds down! I am so stoked! I cannot believe I have actually lost that much weight! It is actually 13.35% of my weight that I have lost! Living life is so much easier doing things now! When I do my normal weekly stuff, I don't get as tired anymore! I am also working faster, better, and stronger! I love it so much!!

Here are my before and during photos:

Front: 


Right Side: 


Left Side: 

And these are from New Years Eve until now :)






I don't really know what to write about the past 3 months! Honestly it's all kind of a blur! January I was spot on with my eating! I never even cheated once with my eating! I lost 31 lbs! I re-measured myself on February 1st. I unfortunately forgot to measure myself on January 1st so I had to use my beginning measurements from when I was at the Dungeon. 

These are my results from that month:
Neck: 0 inches
Bust: 0 inches
L Arm: 4 inches
R Arm: 4 inches
Waist: 5.75 inches
Hips: .5 inches
L Leg: 7.5 inches
R Leg: 7.5 inches
L Calf: 4 inches 
R Calf: 4.25 inches

Total: 37.5 inches gone forever!

and these are my results as of today!
Neck: .5 inches
Bust: 2.5 inches
L Arm: 5 inches
R Arm: 5 inches
Waist: 7.5 inches
Hips: 3 inches
L Leg: 11.5 inches
R Leg: 11.5 inches
L Calf: 4.5 inches
R Calf: 4.5 inches

Total: 55.5 inches gone forever!!!!

I cannot believe how much my body has shrunk! I know a lot of it was from the Dungeon because of all the amazing workouts though! I really miss it there. I am especially happy how much my face has shrunk too! 

I did the Run or Dye again this year and I wanted to do comparison pictures. It is insane how much difference there is. Well at least to me lol. 


So now is the time to have "real talk". Super Bowl Sunday I allowed myself to eat foods I hadn't eaten in a while and went overboard with my eating. That triggered a weight gain because I started eating really bad again. I believe I gained about 15 pounds within a week or two. I lost those extra pounds and plus more, but then I gained it again. I probably did that about 3 or 4 times, but by the grace of God, He always shed that extra weight off super quick. Sometimes when i lost the extra weight it would come off within 3 to 4 days! It was insane! I was soooooo grateful though!

So in March I was able to go visit one of my best friends Elizabeth in LA! I was there from March 7th until the 16th! On the 8th I actually went to the casting call for Extreme Weight Loss! It was such an amazing experience. We waited in line for 3 hours! When we got there at 7 am, there was seriously only 11 people in line.. I was shocked there was barely anybody! By the time 10 am hit, there was still maybe only 100 people in line! The casting call was open 10 to 4 though, so probably a lot of people showed up later! 
I was in the 2nd group to go in. There was 8 people to a group and we had 15 minutes. They wanted us to state our name, age, where we are from, what led to our weight gain, why do we want to be on the show, and what is the first thing you want to do when you get to your goal weight. 

For the 1st question I said that I put everyone else's needs before mine and taking on peoples problems as my own. Which that of course is my choice, not anyone else's choice! Now that I am thinking about it, that probably was a really bad answer.. Oh well. I think my answer for the next questions was basically saying it would be an amazing opportunity. I occasional watch friends kids and really want to be able to run and play with the them. Right now its super hard for me. The last question I wanted to say skydiving but 3 people had already said that, so I said that I want to run a marathon. The executive producer seemed like she really liked that answer. Then she asked which one and I said I didn't know but I would love to do one in Hawaii because I've never been there. 
Later that day I found out that Ashley Hylton from Season 3 was there meeting people! I wanted to meet her so bad!! One of the awesome and positive things out of this experience was I made a new friend named Rhonda! She was super cool! We had a great time waiting in line together with Elizabeth!!

Now lets talk about the rest of my trip :)
On both Sundays I was able to go to Elizabeth's Ethiopian church where she teaches Sunday School! It was so much fun and the kids were so adorable! We also went to the Getty Center! It was so wonderful there! We got all dressed up thinking other people would be too but we were the only ones. It was hilarious and so much fun! We went to Venice Beach right after and I wore my dress still on the beach! It was a lot of fun getting looks from people. I got to see Muscle Beach but unfortunately nobody was working out! I also saw the set of American Ninja Warriors! It was so cool looking! The Friday before I left we went to Huntington Beach. It was incredible! The water felt amazing and there was an amazing sunset also! We got a lot of great pictures too! Here are a couple pictures of Elizabeth and I!


Here are some other photos from the trip :)


I had such an amazing time down in LA with Elizabeth and I am so excited to see her again soon!!

When I was flying back home, the plane had a two hour delay!! That was so not fun! Unfortunately even after the weight that I have lost I still wasn't able to fully be able to fit into just one seat but I was able to pull the extender belt tighter! Plus my leg barely overflows into the next seat! I am almost able to use the regular seat belt!!

Here is a picture of me from Sunday :)



Ok, well I will stop writing now even though I could go on for days writing!! I pray that all of your are doing well! If you EVER need someone to talk to or just need some encouragement, PLEASE e-mail/call/text/facebook me!! My e-mail is bibbys_gurl_56@hotmail.com

LOVE Y'ALL!!
~Kirstin

Monday, August 26, 2013

Being Fat is NOT a Disability.

Recently I went to Dallas with one of my best friends. I am a super morbidly obese person as most of you know. We normally don't easily fit or fit at all in just one plane seat unfortunately. Our first part of the flight to Los Angeles was fine because there was barely anyone on the flight. Once we got to our next terminal it was a whole different story. Just to be safe I asked one of the workers if it was a full flight. Sure enough it was 100% full. So we walked away to go to the barroom. Then sets in the panic and freak out mode because I don't like to make people feel uncomfortable. So after we finished up in the bathroom and we walked back to the terminal to wait for the flight. A worker came up to me and pulled me to the side. She told me that they were going to take care of me and give me an extra seat so we can comfortably fit in the row.

Apparently under some law or something they have to accommodate larger people now because they put it under the category of DISABILITY! Don't get me wrong I am so grateful that they helped me out because I was able to stop stressing and was able to enjoy the flight. But at the same time it makes me really upset with myself!! I don't want to have to be accommodated because of my idiotic choices that I have made over the past 13+ years of not eating healthy and not totally taking off my weight. It's not their fault that I am a super morbidly obese person! It's MY FAULT! So we go up to the counter and she prints me up a ticket to put on the seat next to me. Then she put the tickets in a disability sleeve so we could pre-board. I'm sorry but a disability?? It is NOT a disability with me being fat. It's all about choices. I do not have a disability and I am fighting hard to make sure something like this never ever ever ever has to happen again!

As of tomorrow, Tuesday 8/27/2013 I am going to do a 90 day challenge! Phase 1 is the first 90 days. I want to do the 90 day segments just like they do on Extreme Weight Loss. I just won't be doing the crazy weight loss they do because I want to go at my own pace. I am going to take a whole year to really focus on myself and make me the best me that I can make!! If I don't complete all of my goals in this coming year, it doesn't matter because I will have made huge strides! Even if I have to do it in 2 years that's great because those 2 years will be the best years of my life! Want to know why? Because I am fighting for my life and I will be adding back many years onto my life! I am not defined by my size or the number on the scale!

We had another situation happen where we were ordering food and she was looking at me talking about "us bigger girls." In my head I'm thinking uhhhh no. I am not that girl anymore! Yes I still may have a larger body and clothes for the moment but I consider myself a fit girl. The reason why I consider myself a fit girl is because you become what you think you are! 

So my friends, I am going to propose a challenge! I will be doing this challenge along side you also! I challenge you to go buy Chris Powell's new book Choose More, Lose More For Life. Read it from cover to cover and start a fresh new journey with me!! If you want to lose weight or just trim up, this will be a great challenge for you. I do have to admit though, I am still currently reading his book. So here it is. For the next 90 days I am going to just focus on eating healthy (eating the right foods) and working out. I am not even going to weigh myself until the 90th day. I have always set myself up for failure but not this time! I have always done a "challenge" and said I was going to lose such and such pounds. Well not this time. I'm not even going to give myself a goal of how many pounds to lose. My goal is just to stay on track woth eating the right foods and stay consistent with working out. My 90 day challenge is starting tomorrow August 27th, 2013. So my challenge will end a day before my birthday on November 25th and that will be when I weigh in. Anyways I hope and challenge you to join me on this journey!! If you need encouragement or support just contact me through Facebook or comment on this blogpost! I love you all and want the very best for you!!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Confessions of a Food Addict.

There I said it. I got it off my chest. I, Kirstin, have a food addiction. 

I have to admit, addictions are the worst! Sometimes I wish that I had a different form of an addiction because you can't get away from food. You have to eat it in order to survive. But I will conquer my addiction! I need to cut the emotional ties from food. I need to somehow figure out how to get rid of my addiction. I am working on it I promise!

The thing is.. I LOVE working out. It's just the eating that kills me every time. I am bigger than my addiction and I will no longer let it have control over me. Yes I may slip up sometimes but that's just what happens in life. I need to learn that I can treat myself every once and a while and not feel guilty about it!

Now onto really positive news!! So as you all know I have been working out in the Dungeon for technically about a month. I haven't been going as consistently as I needed to in the past but now I am going on a regular basis, except for today because I woke up with a huge headache and I have been throwing up.. I don't know what's wrong with my stomach today!

Anyways, my trainers Jamie and Josh are just all around amazing people! They seriously turn your life around! They are helping me save mine! I was totally upfront with Jamie yesterday about my food problem and now we are going to deal with it. It definitely took a huge weight off my shoulders when I told her that. So yesterday after my workout I wanted to see if I had made any progress with inches.. I thought that I hadn't lost anything or even gotten bigger.. Well here is some great news!!!! I have lost 26 inches all over so far :D I am so proud of myself! I know it could have been a bigger number but it can only go up from here and I am so excited!! I couldn't stop smiling all day yesterday because of it!

Thank you so much Jamie and Josh! I am forever grateful! I know I say that a lot on here but I really am!! Thank you for saving my life.. Literally!

I hope everyone has a beautiful and blessed day!! I am going to go lay down now and try to feel better!!

Love always,
Kirstin