Reunited and it feels so good!

Hey blogging world! I have missed you so much! I'm back :)) So to get you caught up a little on my life. I pretty much gained all but like 15 pounds.. not good! I have also finally moved out of my house! I am officially living on my own! Other big news is I am going to be a big sister again! The baby is due around my birthday, my step mom's birthday, one of my aunt's birthday, and my cousin's birthday. All of our birthday's are two days apart from each other. It's kind of funny lol. But anyways last weekend one of my brothers (Matthew) graduated high school last Sunday! So proud of him! Well ever since I made a lifestyle change to eat healthier I haven't really been able to hold down red meat.. So me being stupid had a hamburger at his graduation party then the next morning I didn't exactly have the best of breakfast. Well as you might have guessed I pretty much got sick all day Monday. I threw up about 10 times.. Not fun. But I lost 10 pounds which was very nice. So I am finally back on track with my weight loss! Yay! At the moment I am now 27 pounds down! It's just going to keep getting better and better! I can't wait to see that 100 pounds down mark! It's going to be such an amazing moment!


I was going to name this blog I am worth the fight, but the title I have now sounded so much better. Let me tell you why I wanted to title it that. So basically this morning I woke up and weighed myself (as I do every morning, to keep myself in check basically) and I gained 4 ounces. I was seriously crying for like 2 hours. To be honest it was kind of pitiful. I finally realized what the heck it's only 4 ounces it's not going to kill me. Yeah it sets me back in my weight loss goal for Disneyland but it's not the end of the world. I'm going in 41 days! I'm so excited! I'm just afraid that I won't fit in the seats for the rides. I don't want to have another embarrasing moment of having to do the walk of shame because I don't fit in the ride..


Anyways back to the main point of this blog. It finally clicked in my head, i am worth the fight! I've sometimes just gotten to a low point and just thinking like what's the use, I'm just going to gain the weight back plus more, etc etc etc. So I have finally have been telling myself that I am really worth fight. For every step I take, every calorie I burn, and for every bite of healthy food I take. Lately I have been thinking about how I feel when I am not eating healthy and when I am eating healthy and working out. I always feel sooo much better when I'm eating healthy and working out but sometimes the junk food takes over becuase of how good it tastes.. I am starting to get really tired of feeling like crap because of the food choices I was making! I want to live this life well, not have my eating habits sideline me from life! Anyways that is enough for today! I will blog again very soon I promise :D


Oh and by the way, thank you from the bottom of my heart to all who have served and are currently serving our country! You all are my hero! Thank you for fighting for our freedom! Happy Memorial Day!

Love ya'll!

~Kirstin~

Sometimes I wonder.. Is it really worth the fight?

So just to warn you I am going to be really honest in this blog. Some people, including myself like to hide their feelings instead of talking about it. I used to do that by eating food. Well now it's time to be totally honest..

Like the title of the blog says.. sometimes I wonder if it really is worth the fight. I have been thinking about it the past couple of days.. Lately I've been in not the best mental place that I could be.. I feel like I have been drowning to the point where I can't gasp for air anymore. I have been a fog where I have no idea where I am or where I am going. All I pretty much want to do is cry lately except for when I am around friends and family.. This has been going on for the past couple of weeks. This is basically what happens... Most recent incident, I wrote my new blog entry a couple of days ago and I was so determined to eat healthy for 21 days straight and going to excercise for at least 30 minutes a day.. Well here comes day 1 and I am good for most of the day and then my brain kicks in and I want to eat.. I did eat some not so healthy stuff. Surprisingly I still lost 8 ounces haha.. I don't know how.. I thought I was going to gain at least a pound.

So back to the question... Is it really worth the fight? I have come to the conclusion that I would rather spend my life fighting for what I want in life then to get to the end of my life and see that I did nothing. Yes weight loss is a haaaaaaaard battle to beat but I have seen many people win that battle. I want to be in that "winners circle"! I know it takes hard work and dedication. Sometimes I just feel like I have no more fight left in me.. I told my mom this morning that I have lost the will to fight..

So right now you might be thinking of me differently but hey at least I was honest and I got it out in the open. No more bottling things up and letting it eat me up inside. This is the point where I need to pick my butt up and just keep going along. I know I will get to my goal weight eventually it's just going to be a long journey. I mean hey I didn't gain the weight overnight so it's not going to come off overnight. No more making goals to look forward to because that just causes me to sabotage. I am going to work hard at getting this weight off but just with no more pressure of getting it done..

Time to go start Living :)

Love always,

~Kirstin~

Sometimes You Just Gotta Let Go

Sometimes you just have to let go and move on. Start a clean slate and stop looking in the past!

So time to be honest. As most of you may have noticed I haven't blogged or talked about my weight loss journey lately.. I basically have been stuck in a rut since I hit the 40 pounds down mark. I had decided that I wanted to stop posting about my weight journey that way I could surprise my family this summer when I hopefully get to visit them. That was not the wisest idea.. I basically have been a yo-yo since that point. Losing and gaining 10 pounds and still haven't gotten past the 40 pounds. I currently have gained about 20 back. It's very hard to admit that to be honest because I do not like to fail at all. It drives me nuts.. Last night I just broke down crying because I felt like I was mentally breaking down.. This weight thing has been consuming my life and I can't let it have that hold over me! Oh and for those of you that aren't friends with me on Facebook I have created myself an ulcer! I need to stop stressing so much and I know that my weight is one of my main culprits! My doctor said it should be gone in hopefully about a month!!

So currently at the moment I am doing my best learning how to not be an all or nothing person. For example, every year I always want to be able to jog the Race for the Cure 5K race. Well the time always comes around and once I realize I'm not making the progress I should be making I sabotage myself. So I have finally come to the conclusion that I won't be able to jog the whole thing because of my weight and being morbidly obese. However I will still keep training for it and I will do my best even though I won't be able to jog the whole thing. I am going to power walk it at least and jog however much I can. Just gotta get my shin splints to stop hurting so much. If anyone knows how to get rid of them I would love the help!

So anyways.. I have officially decided that instead of focusing on numbers I am going to just focus on eating healthy and exercising at least 30 minutes to an hour every day. I am going to do it in 21 day challenges! So my first challenge starts tomorrow :) I'm super excited! I know this will pay off. 

I am going to win and prove to myself (not to anyone else including my family) that I can lose this weight! Excited to finally see what I will look like as a healthy and "skinny" person :D

Love ya'll!

~Kirstin~

Skinny Girl Bucket List

Well I have officially decided that I am going to make a blog for my Skinny Girl Bucket List

This bucket list is basically all of the things that I wasn't able to do because of my weight! 

1) Buy a plaid top

Completed: 1/4/11

2) Buy a leather jacket

Completed: 1/4/11

3)Ride almost every single ride at Disneyland

4) Go on a cruise

5) Wear a two piece swim suit without having to worry about how my body looks in it!

5) Ride on an airplane without having to ask for an extender belt

6) Surprise a family member with my weight loss

7) Buy regular sized clothes instead of plus size

8) Swim with Dolphins

9) Go skydiving

10) Meet a certain famous person, still can't say yet who it is :D

11) Run a 5K race (Race for the Cure, May 2012)


12) Take a new family photo with my family without being fat


13) Go water tubing


14) Go to Sunsplash or another water park and be proud of the body I'm in!


15) go horseback riding on the beach (without worrying about hurting the horse)


16) Cross my legs while sitting down and not be in pain


17) To not worry about taking a road trip with friends and worrying about having to squish everyone beside me in the backseat


18) Go on a zipline


19) To Paint my toenails easily without being out of breath trying to reach for my toes


20) to put on shoes without having to pull my leg up with my hands


21) To feel comfortable about other people taking my pictures


22) Go to a restaurant and not having to worry if I'm going to fit in the booth or not


23) Play in a sports game with friends or a game with the college group and not worry about looking bad when i run or play.


24) Buy a Wii Fit and actually be able to use it! (Recently I have been too heavy for me to play on it)


25) Go Snowboarding or Skiing 


26) Go Ice Skating


27) Learn to belly dance


28) Ride a mechanical bull


29) Go jet skiing and be able to get back up on the jet ski if I fall off


30) drive an ATV


31) Go kart racing


32) Trip to six flags


33) workout at the gym without having to worry about how fat I look


34) Get married


35) Start a family of our own


36) Professional photo shoot for new pictures of the new me and my new life!


37) Go mud sliding!! (I am totally serious about this!) :D


38) Go on a trip with friends and not have to worry about taking too much bed space or my snoring. (I've only snored since I really gained weight)


39) Wear the shoes I've always wanted to wear especially high heels (never been able to because of how heavy I was)

A Big Stress Ball

So as all of you probably have noticed I haven't posted a new weight since my 40 pounds. I have been going through some issues lately and just have been needing to work through them. 

I have learned a lot in the past week. I have finally have realized that I cannot let other people's problems affect me. Because I always like to try to take other people's problems as my own and I cannot afford to do that right now. So I haven't really being doing well on my eating but I am back in the game yet again. I hate being a yo-yo to be honest. It frustrates me so much.

I have a HUGE new motivation though but I can't say what it is yet :) You all will find out though when I get to my goal weight and all I can say is I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!! I wish I could tell you guys what it is but it is hush hush until then! :D

So as of today I am fully back on the program but I am going to take baby steps back into it! I am not going to go full blown the first day. Today I am just going to eat right and workout once. I will probably be back to normal tomorrow or soon but I know I won't be doing much of working out on Christmas eve and Christmas :)

This is one of my new motto's :) 

Well if I don't post a blog before Sunday I hope that all of you have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS :))

Love you all!!

My name is Kirstin and I AM MONAVIE!

It Hit Me Like a Freight Train (not literally lol)

So as of this morning I have been maintaining the 40.4 now for 3 days. I know its because my body is making big changes and for another reason also which I am not going to talk about on here.

So yesterday my mom and I went to fashion bug because I wanted to see if I could fit into smaller pants since I have lost the 40 pounds. Well for some reason no smaller pants fit. I don't know why. I know every pant maker is different and I only tried on 2. So I was really frustrated with myself. I was like how can I lose 40 lbs and not have a smaller pant size?? but I tried on this REALLY cute dress and it was a size or two smaller than what I normally wear! I would post a picture of it but I don't want to show you guys until the night after I wear it :)) 

So here is the part when it hit me like a freight train. So this morning I got up early to workout before work as usual and I went into the bathroom and it finally hit me. WOW I really am smaller! I mean it's easier to workout now, I don't breathe as heavy, and I'm moving at a faster pace now! The thing with me is I saw the difference in the pictures, but I just didn't see the difference when I looked at myself in the mirror. 

Well we only have 17 short days of 2011. It's time to end this year strong and make 2012 the best year yet!! Start on those new years resolutions now of getting fit and healthy :) I know you can do it!! 

I am so excited to get home today after work because I know that my 40 pounds down present to myself will be there! My iPhone 4S! I am so excited to play with it!!! :D

Well I hope all of you have a BLESSED day!

My name is Kirstin and I AM MONAVIE!

The Honesty Blog

Well as of yesterday I am officially 40.4 pounds down! I am still in shock because I have never lost this much weight in my life! Here are some new before and after pictures :)

Funny part is.. I can see the difference in the pictures but I still don't physically look different I think when I look at myself. It's really weird. I wonder how long it is going to take for it to kick in that I am smaller than I have been in a very long time! Only a short 23 pounds until I am under 300. I seriously haven't been under 300 in about 5 or 6 years. It's so crazy!! 

So I am going to be totally transparent right now. So yesterday as you know I reached 40.4 lbs, amazing right? Well it is amazing to me :) So then Satan of course is doing his little schemes to knock me down a couple pegs and I let it happen unfortunately. So for my 40 pounds mark I decided that I wanted to do something big so I bought the iPhone 4S. I thought that the target mobile solutions (at the target I used to work at) had them, but they only had the 4's. So the nice person that Liz is drove to Rancho Cordova because they said that they have the 4S's well turns out it was for AT&T customers not Verizon. So we couldn't get it. My poor mom had to wait at target for like 3 or 4 hours because we thought she was supposed to be on at 930 but she wasn't going to be in until 11. So my mom let me go to church which was very nice of her :)) I didn't find out about what happened until after church. So I got home and we were calling around to the verizon stores to see if they had any in stock. Nobody did you have to pre-order it online. So I ordered my phone and we ordered my step dad's phone also and it will be here next Monday or so.

For some reason when I found out that I had to wait for the phone I just got into a mode of wanting to eat. I think my head basically said well if that is my present for 40 pounds then I have wiggle room to eat because it won't be here until next week. My mom made me realize that when I was texting her. So I came home and she had made one of my favorite desserts. Our famous cinnamon roll ups. Basically it's pie crust dough, butter, sugar, and cinnamon. We cut them into small strips, roll them up, and bake them. She convinced me that I needed to treat myself because I have been doing so good and even when I was struggling earlier in the day I didn't give in. So I had some but I probably ate 6 more than I should. I was going to only have 2. They are really small though.

So this was when Satan of course stepped in, perfect timing.. I was beating myself up so bad last night and this morning for eating those desserts to the point of crying. Which then lead to me not feeling like working out last night which was not good because I only got 20 minutes in, in the morning.

Today is a new day though. I can't beat myself up over something that happened in the past. So now I am on a jet plane to get to the big goal for Dallas! I am going to pray that God helps me shed the pounds off! I know that he is capable of anything!

Life is happening NOW not 10 pounds from now :)

My name is Kirstin and I AM MONAVIE!

A Little Red Dress :))

Well, well, well! 

Today has been so amazing I still can't even begin to believe it!!

Ok where shall I start?... hmmmm

Well church today was completely amazing! I just love my church and the family that I have there! Just an awesome place to be! I love you East Valleyians! Got to go grocery shopping with my mom and then off to a cloud 9 maybe cloud 12 day! lol.

So I got to have a day with the lovely and amazing Leah Carlson! I always love seeing her because she just makes my day so amazing! So we went to Pluto's for dinner and she bought me dinner! That was a great thing!! And then I saw that she had 3 presents in her hands!! I was like oh my gosh!! I am so blessed to know her! That's what I have to say first of all. The card she gave me had a beautiful butterfly on it and a lovely note inside that almost made me cry! She gave me this beautiful head band that had a sparkly flower on it! It was gorgeous! ....and then the big present! Which still makes me want to tear up! She got me this black sign that says INSPIRE. She hot glued 34 jewels on it for the 34 pounds I have slimmed down! Then in the next present was a cute hot glue gun with glue sticks and more jewels to put on as I lose more weight! How awesome and cute is that? So by the time I am done losing weight its going to be sparkly like crazy!! I absolutely love it :) Here is a picture of it!!

So onto the next amazing story of the day. We were going into all of the expensive stores just looking around which was totally fun but I seriously couldn't believe how much some of the stuff was! I mean there was a wallet for over $200!! So we were in Coach and all the sudden I freaked out because I couldn't find my camera. So we had to go back to Pluto's and thankfully someone turned it in! On of the worker guys had put it on and was like "Yeah I am trying to sell this camera" and I joked around and said "how much do you want for it?" he laughed and said "eh maybe $50." Then I said oh "that would be a great deal because I paid almost $300 for it!" Oi vey lol. But anyways that wasn't the amazing story. So we went into Nordstroms. I never shop in there because I know that the larger women's section doesn't even have my size there. Well my normal size when I was at my heaviest was either a 26-28 or a 30. So we were looking at clothes and then all the sudden I saw this super cute skirt (not that I could afford it, it was $80!) Well it was a size 22. So at first I told Leah, see I wouldn't even fit into this still, I still have to wait a while. Then she convinced me to try it on. So i decided to grab a couple other shirts and another skirt to just see. Well to my amazement, THE SKIRT FIT!! I mean it was tight but IT FIT!! I was so ecstatic I couldn't even believe it! Here are some pictures of me trying on some of the clothes. They may be a little blurry

This is a size 3x top that was actually pretty loose on me and then a 2x skirt which I haven't fit into in forever also!

 This is a 3x shirt that was definitely swimming on me and then my size 22 skirt!!

This is a 2x top that was a little loose with the size 22 skirt!!

So I was already sooo happy about that! Onto the last but not least amazing thing of the day! You know how when people are wanting to lose weight and they say that they want to fit into that little black dress? Well for me I want to stand out and not fit in! I want a little red dress. So we were just having some fun in Macy's looking at the red dresses. Then all the sudden Leah lifts up this most adorable red dress! It was on sale for half off so it was only $30! It was a size 18. I was like I have to get this because it will take me a while to fit into it! Well the great thing is, I fit into it but I just couldn't zip it up yet. But I got into it though! I haven't got into a size 18 dress in FOREVER! Maybe the beginning of high school! Here are some pictures :)) There is a picture of the dress and then a picture of me in it :)

I absolutely LOVE this dress! It is so gorgeous! I cannot wait until the day that I can officially wear and zip up this dress! It also tells me that my actual size when I get to my goal weight will be smaller than a 16 which totally is amazing and I am so happy!! OH YEAH! One last thing! So remember how I said that the dress was $30? When I went to buy it, it was only $20!!! I got a goal dress for only $20! and it was originally $60! WOW! I am so amazed!!

So I want to thank Leah for making me try on these clothes because it just gave me more confidence to keep pushing through and makes me even more excited to get to that finish line! We are already in the winner circle Leah! Thank you Leah for the amazing presents you gave me! I am so blessed to know you! 

Well time to go do that thing called working out :) lol. I hope all of you have a WONDERFUL day!! 

My name is Kirstin and I AM MONAVIE!

Blogging Blogging Blogging! Oh how I've missed thee!

Hello fellow friends and friends of the world wide web! I hope all of you are having a FANTASTIC day :)

I have to say I am so thankful that I have an AMAZING program to go back to! After it being thanksgiving and my birthday and not eating the best that I could, I am so glad to be eating better again!


Yesterday I had this big revelation! I realized that since I started eating bad last week, I started to feel different! I seriously was starting to get depressed and I didn't feel great at all! I seriously was feeling slow and just down right lazy! I am grateful for the wonderful thanksgiving I had and AMAZING birthday, but I am also glad that the bad eating has stopped! I have to get to that BIG goal! and wanting to eat that fast food or unhealthy food just isn't worth it anymore! Seriously why eat bad to feel bad? I would MUCH rather want to eat healthy and feel AMAZING! 


I cannot wait to see this view in person!

Only 45 more days! That's so crazy!! I better kick my butt into high gear! haha. 

Anyways I gotta go get some stuff done! I hope all of you had an amazing Thanksgiving!

My name is Kirstin and I AM MONAVIE!

WOW WOW WOW!!

WOW Where to start?? I have no idea because I am still BLOWN AWAY from last night! 

I am still on cloud 9!

So first of I just want to say I am so blessed to know Leah and Wayne Carlson. They are probably two of the greatest people I know! They always have a smile on their face and just always make my day just being in the same room with them! Well, with Leah being such a great and amazing person she is.. talked to Jeff Graham, one of the leaders in MonaVie and told him about some of my story.. Well now they want to put my story on MONAVIE ON THE MOVE!!! If you don't know what that is, it's MonaVie's site that has people's success stories for weight loss, business stuff, and all kinds of great things! So i was completely blown away by that because I thought that maybe possibly my story would get up there when I got to my goal weight but no it's going to actually happen and when I am only 30 pounds down! Wait correction 30 POUNDS DOWN! lol sorry I know that is a huge number but for me I always look at the bigger number so it makes 30 pounds not seem as big but I know it is HUGE!

So onto the next set of AMAZING news! So last night we had a I am Monavie meeting in Santa Rosa! Amazing meeting! Totally awesome and a lot of fun! Well we got to put our name in a drawing if we wore our I am Monavie shirt. Well normally when I put my name in for a drawing I never really win so I was fully expecting Jeff to call someone else's name. Well this time that didn't happen! HE SAID MY NAME! He even pronounced it the correct way to which also blew me out of the water! So I am offically going to the DALLAS MONAVIE 2.0!!

I got 2 free tickets to go and I am so EXCITED! Here is a picture of the piece of paper I got for it :)

I have been jumping up and down and just being so excited! I get to go to DALLAS!!!! 

Well enough excitement for now I get to get ready for work lol, but I will be dancing while doing it! lol! I hope everyone has an AMAZING day!!

My name is Kirstin and I AM MONAVIE!