I am Scared of Success

As you know I am always honest with you. Well today I am revealing a huge issue that I am trying to deal with. I am scared of success. Why? I couldn't really tell you the main reason why. 

I know it has been a huge barrier for me in my weight loss journey and a lot of areas in my life. I think for my weight loss, its the fact of I don't know what I will look like when I lose the weight I need to lose. I haven't ever really been a regular size my whole life. I was always a little chubbier or just had a stomach at least. For some reason I just have this fear of it because I know everything I have ever dreamed of and wanted is just on the other side of the barrier. I don't know why I am so scared to jump over or bust through that barrier that has been there too long in my life. 

Now I just joined an awesome new company about a week and a half ago. I have been super happy in this new company but I have to be honest, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and stress issues. I just had a little bit of an epiphany. I think I strive for perfection way too much. Thinking that even when I start out that I need to be perfect all the time. Nobody is perfect. Even the most successful person in the world isn't perfect. The only person who is perfect is Jesus. 

I know that Jesus has been giving me so much peace when I have my anxiety problems. I have to admit, I am scared out of my mind right now. Just thinking about all the people I have to talk to and the yearning for wanting to make sales. But I know that Jesus has a perfect plan for me and I just have to trust Him! I know this a brand new thing for me and I have to give it time to work. 

As of today I am going after that success no matter how much anxiety and other issues try to hold me back. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have success. I want to fight for it. I am going to work hard for it! I know it will pay off well in the long run!

I hope all of you have a great day! Strive for greatness!

Love,

Kirstin

#overcome

Good morning everyone! I have to give props to my Dad really quick. So I have been really struggling the past month with my eating and just staying on track. Even through all of my battle, he keeps telling me to overcome. Just like Mandisa's song. Before I was defeated and thinking I am just too weak to do this anymore. Well now I fully believe that I am a person who overcomes. This mental battle is over. The victory is mine!

Let me give you an example of why I struggle so much. There is for a lack of better words, voices that are constantly talking in my head all day long about what bad foods I should be eating. It always is amplified when I am doing really good with my eating. Along with the constant voices, is the voice of negative thinking. Thinking your not good enough, why even try, guys aren't going to like you until you are thin, your not pretty like she is, look how disgusting you look, and the list can go on forever. I have something to say about that, NONE OF THAT IS TRUE! That is not who God says I am. That is what the enemy wants me to think. I am no longer going to take it anymore. I am a fighter and yes all fighters fall down sometimes. The real strength is when you stand up again. Well, as of today I have stood back up and I am back in the game! 

Yesterday I had the chance to go to San Francisco with some of my best friends. It was such wonderful trip and it actually helped inspire me to get back on the horse. There seriously were runners EVERYWHERE! We were sitting on the beach by the Golden Gate bridge and I was just in deep thought most of the time. I was thinking, I am so tired of living this way! I want to do what they are doing, being healthy and keeping an active lifestyle! I want to run 5K's, half marathons, marathons, and maybe even a triathlon one day!

Now that I am standing back up, it is time to start working on being positive and keeping the healthy lifestyle! With God I know that I am capable of anything. I only have 153 short days until I leave for Australia! I have a lot of weight to lose and a lot of money to earn/raise! If you are interested in donating money to my YWAM journey please comment or message me! Thank you so much!

God Bless,

Kirstin