Trusting in the Process

As most of you know I have been struggling with my weight pretty much my whole life. I have been trying to lose weight for over a decade and the only result was more weight on my body. Even though I had lost a certain amount at times, it would always come back and bring some friends with it. Recently as of the end of March, I was down about 57 pounds. Then as I said before I allowed myself to eat what I hadn't been eating in the previous 3 months. That created a foothold for the bad eating habits to come back in again. 

Within two weeks, as I have already admitted I gained 20-25 lbs. How it happened, I don't know because I wasn't eating like my old habits. During that time I also went cold turkey off my medicines that I was taking. Two different medicines that you definitely shouldn't go cold turkey off of. 

Well now that I pretty much let another month and a half go by, I am getting back up again and I'm going to continue to fight. The past couple of days has been sort of a roller coaster for me but thanks to my AWESOME Step Mom, she talked some sense into me. She made me realize that I always give up easily on myself in my weight journey. When the going gets tough I just give up. Well not anymore. I need to change. I need to FIGHT!!

Another wake up call for me was when I was going through some boxes of my stuff. I found a notebook that one of my best friends and I had when we were going through a program together. When I read it I realized that in two areas of my life, I haven't changed one bit. The first area, is being single/alone/really wanting a boyfriend. I have always wanted to have a boyfriend ever since I was a young girl. Now I am 24 and still single. I went on a date with someone a couple months ago and unfortunately he was my first kiss. I definitely regret that I let that happen, but there is nothing I can do to change that now. I realized that I have been feeding too much into the media and feeling like I need to have a boyfriend to have my existence validated. 

I was watching Must Love Dogs yesterday and I was amazed at how pretty much the whole movie was all about her having a man in her life! To me it seemed like they were saying you are a nobody unless you have a significant other in your life. I definitely have to disagree. I don't need to have a significant other to feel like I am part of this society! I have in the past and still struggled with feeling like my self worth is in having a boyfriend. Thanks to my awesome Mom, she helped me realize that yesterday. Yes although it would be very nice to have a man in my life, God just doesn't have that in my story right now. So now I am learning to deal with it and move on. 

The second area of my life that hasn't really changed is my weight issues. So from now on I am making a conscious effort to make the right changes and just keep working on it no matter how hard it gets. I have to stop looking for that instant gratification in my body. I'm always trying to see if there is a difference in my body pretty much every day. I am officially going to start trusting in the process. Trust that my current clean eating will pay off next month. I am going to start not looking for results the next day. I am so excited to see what happens! In the past couple of days I have been doing positive affirmations every morning and every night. Many years ago I used to just look in the mirror and say I am Thin. Within a couple of weeks I was subconsciously already ordering healthier foods and I lost 13 pounds! Since I have started the positive affirmations the "voices" in my head have pretty much stopped. I know its mainly because of God though because I have been praying that God would help me in this journey. I want to give myself fully to God instead of just giving him parts of me. 

139 day until I jet off to Australia for YWAM! If you are interested in helping support my journey to YWAM please comment here or e-mail me at bibbys_gurl_56@hotmail.com

I hope all of you have a BLESSED day!

Love,

Kirstin

#overcome

Good morning everyone! I have to give props to my Dad really quick. So I have been really struggling the past month with my eating and just staying on track. Even through all of my battle, he keeps telling me to overcome. Just like Mandisa's song. Before I was defeated and thinking I am just too weak to do this anymore. Well now I fully believe that I am a person who overcomes. This mental battle is over. The victory is mine!

Let me give you an example of why I struggle so much. There is for a lack of better words, voices that are constantly talking in my head all day long about what bad foods I should be eating. It always is amplified when I am doing really good with my eating. Along with the constant voices, is the voice of negative thinking. Thinking your not good enough, why even try, guys aren't going to like you until you are thin, your not pretty like she is, look how disgusting you look, and the list can go on forever. I have something to say about that, NONE OF THAT IS TRUE! That is not who God says I am. That is what the enemy wants me to think. I am no longer going to take it anymore. I am a fighter and yes all fighters fall down sometimes. The real strength is when you stand up again. Well, as of today I have stood back up and I am back in the game! 

Yesterday I had the chance to go to San Francisco with some of my best friends. It was such wonderful trip and it actually helped inspire me to get back on the horse. There seriously were runners EVERYWHERE! We were sitting on the beach by the Golden Gate bridge and I was just in deep thought most of the time. I was thinking, I am so tired of living this way! I want to do what they are doing, being healthy and keeping an active lifestyle! I want to run 5K's, half marathons, marathons, and maybe even a triathlon one day!

Now that I am standing back up, it is time to start working on being positive and keeping the healthy lifestyle! With God I know that I am capable of anything. I only have 153 short days until I leave for Australia! I have a lot of weight to lose and a lot of money to earn/raise! If you are interested in donating money to my YWAM journey please comment or message me! Thank you so much!

God Bless,

Kirstin