Reunited and it feels so good!

Hey blogging world! I have missed you so much! I'm back :)) So to get you caught up a little on my life. I pretty much gained all but like 15 pounds.. not good! I have also finally moved out of my house! I am officially living on my own! Other big news is I am going to be a big sister again! The baby is due around my birthday, my step mom's birthday, one of my aunt's birthday, and my cousin's birthday. All of our birthday's are two days apart from each other. It's kind of funny lol. But anyways last weekend one of my brothers (Matthew) graduated high school last Sunday! So proud of him! Well ever since I made a lifestyle change to eat healthier I haven't really been able to hold down red meat.. So me being stupid had a hamburger at his graduation party then the next morning I didn't exactly have the best of breakfast. Well as you might have guessed I pretty much got sick all day Monday. I threw up about 10 times.. Not fun. But I lost 10 pounds which was very nice. So I am finally back on track with my weight loss! Yay! At the moment I am now 27 pounds down! It's just going to keep getting better and better! I can't wait to see that 100 pounds down mark! It's going to be such an amazing moment!


I was going to name this blog I am worth the fight, but the title I have now sounded so much better. Let me tell you why I wanted to title it that. So basically this morning I woke up and weighed myself (as I do every morning, to keep myself in check basically) and I gained 4 ounces. I was seriously crying for like 2 hours. To be honest it was kind of pitiful. I finally realized what the heck it's only 4 ounces it's not going to kill me. Yeah it sets me back in my weight loss goal for Disneyland but it's not the end of the world. I'm going in 41 days! I'm so excited! I'm just afraid that I won't fit in the seats for the rides. I don't want to have another embarrasing moment of having to do the walk of shame because I don't fit in the ride..


Anyways back to the main point of this blog. It finally clicked in my head, i am worth the fight! I've sometimes just gotten to a low point and just thinking like what's the use, I'm just going to gain the weight back plus more, etc etc etc. So I have finally have been telling myself that I am really worth fight. For every step I take, every calorie I burn, and for every bite of healthy food I take. Lately I have been thinking about how I feel when I am not eating healthy and when I am eating healthy and working out. I always feel sooo much better when I'm eating healthy and working out but sometimes the junk food takes over becuase of how good it tastes.. I am starting to get really tired of feeling like crap because of the food choices I was making! I want to live this life well, not have my eating habits sideline me from life! Anyways that is enough for today! I will blog again very soon I promise :D


Oh and by the way, thank you from the bottom of my heart to all who have served and are currently serving our country! You all are my hero! Thank you for fighting for our freedom! Happy Memorial Day!

Love ya'll!

~Kirstin~

Sometimes I wonder.. Is it really worth the fight?

So just to warn you I am going to be really honest in this blog. Some people, including myself like to hide their feelings instead of talking about it. I used to do that by eating food. Well now it's time to be totally honest..

Like the title of the blog says.. sometimes I wonder if it really is worth the fight. I have been thinking about it the past couple of days.. Lately I've been in not the best mental place that I could be.. I feel like I have been drowning to the point where I can't gasp for air anymore. I have been a fog where I have no idea where I am or where I am going. All I pretty much want to do is cry lately except for when I am around friends and family.. This has been going on for the past couple of weeks. This is basically what happens... Most recent incident, I wrote my new blog entry a couple of days ago and I was so determined to eat healthy for 21 days straight and going to excercise for at least 30 minutes a day.. Well here comes day 1 and I am good for most of the day and then my brain kicks in and I want to eat.. I did eat some not so healthy stuff. Surprisingly I still lost 8 ounces haha.. I don't know how.. I thought I was going to gain at least a pound.

So back to the question... Is it really worth the fight? I have come to the conclusion that I would rather spend my life fighting for what I want in life then to get to the end of my life and see that I did nothing. Yes weight loss is a haaaaaaaard battle to beat but I have seen many people win that battle. I want to be in that "winners circle"! I know it takes hard work and dedication. Sometimes I just feel like I have no more fight left in me.. I told my mom this morning that I have lost the will to fight..

So right now you might be thinking of me differently but hey at least I was honest and I got it out in the open. No more bottling things up and letting it eat me up inside. This is the point where I need to pick my butt up and just keep going along. I know I will get to my goal weight eventually it's just going to be a long journey. I mean hey I didn't gain the weight overnight so it's not going to come off overnight. No more making goals to look forward to because that just causes me to sabotage. I am going to work hard at getting this weight off but just with no more pressure of getting it done..

Time to go start Living :)

Love always,

~Kirstin~

Sometimes You Just Gotta Let Go

Sometimes you just have to let go and move on. Start a clean slate and stop looking in the past!

So time to be honest. As most of you may have noticed I haven't blogged or talked about my weight loss journey lately.. I basically have been stuck in a rut since I hit the 40 pounds down mark. I had decided that I wanted to stop posting about my weight journey that way I could surprise my family this summer when I hopefully get to visit them. That was not the wisest idea.. I basically have been a yo-yo since that point. Losing and gaining 10 pounds and still haven't gotten past the 40 pounds. I currently have gained about 20 back. It's very hard to admit that to be honest because I do not like to fail at all. It drives me nuts.. Last night I just broke down crying because I felt like I was mentally breaking down.. This weight thing has been consuming my life and I can't let it have that hold over me! Oh and for those of you that aren't friends with me on Facebook I have created myself an ulcer! I need to stop stressing so much and I know that my weight is one of my main culprits! My doctor said it should be gone in hopefully about a month!!

So currently at the moment I am doing my best learning how to not be an all or nothing person. For example, every year I always want to be able to jog the Race for the Cure 5K race. Well the time always comes around and once I realize I'm not making the progress I should be making I sabotage myself. So I have finally come to the conclusion that I won't be able to jog the whole thing because of my weight and being morbidly obese. However I will still keep training for it and I will do my best even though I won't be able to jog the whole thing. I am going to power walk it at least and jog however much I can. Just gotta get my shin splints to stop hurting so much. If anyone knows how to get rid of them I would love the help!

So anyways.. I have officially decided that instead of focusing on numbers I am going to just focus on eating healthy and exercising at least 30 minutes to an hour every day. I am going to do it in 21 day challenges! So my first challenge starts tomorrow :) I'm super excited! I know this will pay off. 

I am going to win and prove to myself (not to anyone else including my family) that I can lose this weight! Excited to finally see what I will look like as a healthy and "skinny" person :D

Love ya'll!

~Kirstin~

Skinny Girl Bucket List

Well I have officially decided that I am going to make a blog for my Skinny Girl Bucket List

This bucket list is basically all of the things that I wasn't able to do because of my weight! 

1) Buy a plaid top

Completed: 1/4/11

2) Buy a leather jacket

Completed: 1/4/11

3)Ride almost every single ride at Disneyland

4) Go on a cruise

5) Wear a two piece swim suit without having to worry about how my body looks in it!

5) Ride on an airplane without having to ask for an extender belt

6) Surprise a family member with my weight loss

7) Buy regular sized clothes instead of plus size

8) Swim with Dolphins

9) Go skydiving

10) Meet a certain famous person, still can't say yet who it is :D

11) Run a 5K race (Race for the Cure, May 2012)


12) Take a new family photo with my family without being fat


13) Go water tubing


14) Go to Sunsplash or another water park and be proud of the body I'm in!


15) go horseback riding on the beach (without worrying about hurting the horse)


16) Cross my legs while sitting down and not be in pain


17) To not worry about taking a road trip with friends and worrying about having to squish everyone beside me in the backseat


18) Go on a zipline


19) To Paint my toenails easily without being out of breath trying to reach for my toes


20) to put on shoes without having to pull my leg up with my hands


21) To feel comfortable about other people taking my pictures


22) Go to a restaurant and not having to worry if I'm going to fit in the booth or not


23) Play in a sports game with friends or a game with the college group and not worry about looking bad when i run or play.


24) Buy a Wii Fit and actually be able to use it! (Recently I have been too heavy for me to play on it)


25) Go Snowboarding or Skiing 


26) Go Ice Skating


27) Learn to belly dance


28) Ride a mechanical bull


29) Go jet skiing and be able to get back up on the jet ski if I fall off


30) drive an ATV


31) Go kart racing


32) Trip to six flags


33) workout at the gym without having to worry about how fat I look


34) Get married


35) Start a family of our own


36) Professional photo shoot for new pictures of the new me and my new life!


37) Go mud sliding!! (I am totally serious about this!) :D


38) Go on a trip with friends and not have to worry about taking too much bed space or my snoring. (I've only snored since I really gained weight)


39) Wear the shoes I've always wanted to wear especially high heels (never been able to because of how heavy I was)