So just to warn you I am going to be really honest in this blog. Some people, including myself like to hide their feelings instead of talking about it. I used to do that by eating food. Well now it's time to be totally honest..
Like the title of the blog says.. sometimes I wonder if it really is worth the fight. I have been thinking about it the past couple of days.. Lately I've been in not the best mental place that I could be.. I feel like I have been drowning to the point where I can't gasp for air anymore. I have been a fog where I have no idea where I am or where I am going. All I pretty much want to do is cry lately except for when I am around friends and family.. This has been going on for the past couple of weeks. This is basically what happens... Most recent incident, I wrote my new blog entry a couple of days ago and I was so determined to eat healthy for 21 days straight and going to excercise for at least 30 minutes a day.. Well here comes day 1 and I am good for most of the day and then my brain kicks in and I want to eat.. I did eat some not so healthy stuff. Surprisingly I still lost 8 ounces haha.. I don't know how.. I thought I was going to gain at least a pound.
So back to the question... Is it really worth the fight? I have come to the conclusion that I would rather spend my life fighting for what I want in life then to get to the end of my life and see that I did nothing. Yes weight loss is a haaaaaaaard battle to beat but I have seen many people win that battle. I want to be in that "winners circle"! I know it takes hard work and dedication. Sometimes I just feel like I have no more fight left in me.. I told my mom this morning that I have lost the will to fight..
So right now you might be thinking of me differently but hey at least I was honest and I got it out in the open. No more bottling things up and letting it eat me up inside. This is the point where I need to pick my butt up and just keep going along. I know I will get to my goal weight eventually it's just going to be a long journey. I mean hey I didn't gain the weight overnight so it's not going to come off overnight. No more making goals to look forward to because that just causes me to sabotage. I am going to work hard at getting this weight off but just with no more pressure of getting it done..
Time to go start Living :)
Love always,
~Kirstin~
Awww, sweetie. You're feelings are perfectly normal. Thanks to RVL I managed to lose about about 38 pounds. Unfortunately, due to finances I have had to stop using the RVL and I have managed to put several pounds back on. I started to beat myself up - as usual. However, we are ultimately the only ones who can get our heads back into the right place. We have both come so far (you the furthest)and now we just need to regroup and put our heads back where they need to be to help us the most. Remember - inside our "fluffy" exteriors are gorgeous women fighting to get out. I enjoy a bottle of wine occasionally. I like a beer or two. I have to do that sparingly - only once in a while. It may have been "easy" to lose my 38 pounds, but I can't let myself take it for granted any longer or I will undo everything. You have come so far!!! hang in there. It's OK for a reward now and then, but stay diligent!! You are better than that. When you're close to that goal I will teach you to sew and we'll make some killer clothes for our new bodies!!! Deal?!
ReplyDeleteKirsten- do you go to 24 hour? If so, we should try and go together sometime! It def helps a lot if you find that exercise activity you enjoy! It sucks to work out when you hate it...for me, I love zumba. Do you like dancing? Rollerskating is fun as well. jumping on trampolines (i'm thinking of purchasing one and if so you're invited! LOVE those things..) did you play sports growing up? Group activity is usually funner than working out alone. walking along the river enjoying nature..going on a camping trip with friends (maybe you could plan one, i'd love to join if you do!) going to tahoe to walk around in the snow (i know most of this takes money, which sucks bad)...swimming..what activities do u like to do? Do you have a pet you can walk? I have a dog, we should walk them together!! :-) here's my number if you want to hit me up 916-548-1510...and totally not here to discourage you, but you may be setting your goals too high, too fast. I agree with your part in the post where you said you shouldn't be too hard on yourself and it didn't get there overnight so you shouldn't expect to lose it overnight!! That is completely true!! There's no point in becoming depressed about your lack of achievement in a more "timely" manner. Just do your best, and learn from your mistakes the next day. Have you tried slimfast shakes? I remember I tried those a couple of times hehe though I don't think they taste the best. There are a lot of good products out there to replace unhealthy food...I am both on the heavy side and have diabetes and my father is a health food freak who is more concerned about my health and me eating healthy than I am myself haha so i know a lot of foods that may be better to eat and not taste like sawdust. I'll hit you up with some snacks and foods if you'd like more info :-) Try health wheat stuff, low fat stuff (cheese, milk, bread, pasta etc etc etc). :-P hit me up if you want to exercise together, chat it up, or whatever else! have hope girl! Oh, about over setting goals, I was reading about your goal weight and in my opinion, i'm not here to discourage you from wanting to reach that goal, but I don't think I've been that weight (175) since high school! and that was me in my skinniest stage...!! Maybe I'm wrong, but sometimes some people just aren't meant to be that thin. Just make sure you don't overdo the desire to be a certain weight, especially if your body isn't meant to be that thin..maybe that's just my opinion. Talk to someone in the health field who knows and understands this more and see if that goal weight is a reasonable goal weight :0 -Regina Lung
ReplyDeleteoh and if u have the money, have u considered a personal trainer? - Regina Lung
ReplyDeleteI remain so proud of you and honored to know you! Keep up this journey as it is an inspiration to many!
ReplyDeleteSam Rumbaugh