Monday, May 19, 2014

Trusting in the Process

As most of you know I have been struggling with my weight pretty much my whole life. I have been trying to lose weight for over a decade and the only result was more weight on my body. Even though I had lost a certain amount at times, it would always come back and bring some friends with it. Recently as of the end of March, I was down about 57 pounds. Then as I said before I allowed myself to eat what I hadn't been eating in the previous 3 months. That created a foothold for the bad eating habits to come back in again. 

Within two weeks, as I have already admitted I gained 20-25 lbs. How it happened, I don't know because I wasn't eating like my old habits. During that time I also went cold turkey off my medicines that I was taking. Two different medicines that you definitely shouldn't go cold turkey off of. 

Well now that I pretty much let another month and a half go by, I am getting back up again and I'm going to continue to fight. The past couple of days has been sort of a roller coaster for me but thanks to my AWESOME Step Mom, she talked some sense into me. She made me realize that I always give up easily on myself in my weight journey. When the going gets tough I just give up. Well not anymore. I need to change. I need to FIGHT!!

Another wake up call for me was when I was going through some boxes of my stuff. I found a notebook that one of my best friends and I had when we were going through a program together. When I read it I realized that in two areas of my life, I haven't changed one bit. The first area, is being single/alone/really wanting a boyfriend. I have always wanted to have a boyfriend ever since I was a young girl. Now I am 24 and still single. I went on a date with someone a couple months ago and unfortunately he was my first kiss. I definitely regret that I let that happen, but there is nothing I can do to change that now. I realized that I have been feeding too much into the media and feeling like I need to have a boyfriend to have my existence validated. 

I was watching Must Love Dogs yesterday and I was amazed at how pretty much the whole movie was all about her having a man in her life! To me it seemed like they were saying you are a nobody unless you have a significant other in your life. I definitely have to disagree. I don't need to have a significant other to feel like I am part of this society! I have in the past and still struggled with feeling like my self worth is in having a boyfriend. Thanks to my awesome Mom, she helped me realize that yesterday. Yes although it would be very nice to have a man in my life, God just doesn't have that in my story right now. So now I am learning to deal with it and move on. 

The second area of my life that hasn't really changed is my weight issues. So from now on I am making a conscious effort to make the right changes and just keep working on it no matter how hard it gets. I have to stop looking for that instant gratification in my body. I'm always trying to see if there is a difference in my body pretty much every day. I am officially going to start trusting in the process. Trust that my current clean eating will pay off next month. I am going to start not looking for results the next day. I am so excited to see what happens! In the past couple of days I have been doing positive affirmations every morning and every night. Many years ago I used to just look in the mirror and say I am Thin. Within a couple of weeks I was subconsciously already ordering healthier foods and I lost 13 pounds! Since I have started the positive affirmations the "voices" in my head have pretty much stopped. I know its mainly because of God though because I have been praying that God would help me in this journey. I want to give myself fully to God instead of just giving him parts of me. 

139 day until I jet off to Australia for YWAM! If you are interested in helping support my journey to YWAM please comment here or e-mail me at

I hope all of you have a BLESSED day!


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